Modesty Smodesty #2

I have been thinking more on the issue of modesty and why it bothers me so and have come to clearer thoughts on the issue.

I will thread my thoughts into a story:

One day an innocent girl of a very young age is not wearing enough clothing to be modest. Innocent girl does not have a concept of what it means to be modest nor have the exposure to understand what it is needed for. A young boy of a less innocent age is caught being courious or even tempted at what he sees.

This is the part of the story in which our fellow Christians let a worldly view seep into how adults should handle this situation.

The shroud of shame is the name of this game.

Let's follow the boy's story for a bit. 

The boy is perhaps scolded or his interest ignored. But often it is made clear to him that this is just the way he is. "Boys will be boys", all men are hopeless at containing their thoughts and this sin is unbeatable. He gets an impression pretty quick from the typical reaction that this is a fight no man can win. A battle best kept silent. A struggle that, in such a wierd way, is both widely recognised as a struggle for all men but hushed to a point that they feel they are the ONLY fish swimming upstream. The boy continues to be curious without any guidance which then leads to no help or prayer from his elder men when he thinks a sinful thought. As this boy turns to be a man he has developed a cycle of thoughts or sometimes actions followed by shame and followed by extreme silencing. This cycle is often fuelled by porn. Obejectifying women is an attempt to eliminate the shame because the other option (dealing with our thoughts head on) has been deemed impossible. Depending on how terrible this shame cycle of silence continues, the now man can no longer even hold a decent thought of a woman without the taint of the other thoughts boiling beneath.

Now to the little girl: 

The adults in her life find it easier to pound her with the hammer of modesty than to deal with the boys or men who leer at her. Modesty should be taught as a part of being a woman of God. A way to protect beautiful parts of her body that God gave her. A chance to be the Proverbs 31 woman; the woman that is shrouded in clothing that protects not shames. Unfortunately, if this girl grows up in the present day Christain church what will often happens is this: 

Girl will be told that modesty is a tool for making sure men won't think about them sinfully. 

Covering up is the only way to ensure a man never thinks or does anything sinful towards you. In the case of this girl, she soaks it all in and struggles to cover any hint of a womanly figure. Beauty becomes a curse and her body just becomes a shameful object. She strives to carry the weight of not ever making a man sin. But one day, now a woman, she is in public on a hot day sweating away in her most modest attire. Her largest longsleave shirt and sweats make her feel a little pious about all the temptresses wearing shorts. A cat call rings out. She looks around at for the immodest girl that must be out looking for attention. But to her dismay, she is the only person in view. Another cat call and suggestive looks her way are devastatingly discouraging. If she can tempt men in attire that does not even show a womanly curve, what is the point!? This conclusion can often lead to women throwing in the towel (or forgoing it all together) on modesty. The best conclusion, they decide, is that men should just control their thoughts. Which is true! They should. But going around in attire the world has carefully constructed to make it difficult (not impossible) for men to control their worst thoughts is not the solution. 

These two stories represent the better of the results often seen in this type of training. 

In the end we all run around feeling shame and hopelessness. 

The solution? 

God specifically addresses confessing our sin to one another. Parents need to allow their children to come to them with their temptations. Pray with your children about these things. Be the example of discussing temptation. This is super hard and is going to take some humble pie eating on my part to grasp but with God's help I know this is possible.

Shrouding children with shame will never have better results.

Modesty Smodesty: The Trend of the Mindless Man

I see a lot of posts about female modesty these days. For it. Against it. I am not sure there is a more covered topic amoung Christian circles (covered...get it? Tehee. Sorry.). I do think this is an important topic, do not get me wrong. Women should be modest. Not for their husbands or future husbands or to help their fellow man out, but because God has asked it of us. Asked so that we protect the gift of sex and our bodies no matter our gender. This over blabbing of the issue of female modesty has overshadowed and even perpetuated a much more sinister and flat-out evil attack on a precious God given item: mankind's mind.

Now, I know what most are thinking. Is it not the fact that women run around with yoga pants and leggings the whole destroyer of the mind!? I mean, those buttoxes! Cover them up and all will be well! 

The problem with this is that we view modesty and unbridled desire for human flesh as a "modern Christain issue" (direct qoute from several articles). People, the Bible is pretty old. Remember? 

There were men in the Bible who struggled with bad thoughts about women and women who did not wear enough clothes (can someone say Bathsheba?). 

However, modesty of women has been way overblown and it is overshadowing a sinister and destructive issue. 

Do you know how many verses discuss the word modesty in regard to women only? Two. 

Do you know how many specifically discuss keeping control of your thoughts? Nineteen. 

That doesn't include the numerous verses about purity of the mind. 

So why are we blabbering on about modesty? Because porn is not as easy to discuss. 

We live in a terrarium of sin where we constantly admonish women for being the Venus fly trap but breed the men like flies in a cesspool of porn. 

Now all you relieved parents out there that are thinking, "Not my child." or "Thankfully mine are too young". Not so fast. The average age a boy is exposed to porn is 11. We are not talking about magazines here. We are talking violent, hard porn. The type of porn that tells the story that women deserve and even enjoy violation. And girls are believing it because there is a growing number of females watching porn as well. In Christain circles we have tried to solve the issue of nasty thoughts by promoting modesty. Trying to rid impure thoughts by taking away anything that could lead to such thoughts is an incredibly stupid plan of attack. Unless all women are abducted and erased from memory, men are going to think bad thoughts about them. The problem is taking those thoughts captive. But the men of today are walking around with Olympian-worthy training in allowing bad thoughts. But somehow this gets pegged on women? There are women out there that do not have the conviction to be modest. We cannot expect a non-believer to follow God's rules if they don't believe in Him. But, as a Christian man, you must take captive the thoughts you will have about that mini skirt. Or, sometimes even us women with the best intentions get caught in situations where we have a wardrobe malfunction (the pocket of my jeans once caught on a doorknob and ripped half my pants off). 

However, if a women does dress to attract the attention of men around her (come on ladies, you know that in-the-mirror-I-look-HOTT moment) she's not doing right either.

Each is accountable for their own sin in the end.

What is my point?

The issue of not respecting each other's bodies and minds is an issue for all of us. 

Stop talking about our society's disrespect like it is only an issue of wearing more clothes.

Stop being nieve about what your child is seeing on the internet.

Stop unequally placing the burden of keeping men's minds pure on the women in your life.

Stop avoiding the topic of porn. 

And for the love of everything reasonable:

Stop pretending that a yoga-pant-burning party will solve everything. 

Do carefully read this verse:

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ..."

-Lindsay 

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/119/2/247.full.pdf

Thoughts of Anne

Some might say that Anne Frank was one of those girls who got stuck in an extraordinary time.
Some might think she made the best of it.
Discredit her thoughts as only fourteen years of age whims.
Find her thoughts strange
or discover wisdom.
Some might know that most girls her age think as much and
just see they have not the time to write it down.
Some might understand many are never given the chance.


"How can we hold onto our opinions when ideals are being shattered and destroyed? When everyone’s come to doubt truth, justice and God." -Anne Frank

So Tired of This.

"I am so tired of this."
She says as she waves her hands in a circle gesturing at the four walls of the room.
"It's like everyone's telling me where to go, how I feel, whose gotta live inside me and how I should live."
She rolls her sagged, smudged eyes and shakes her half-dyed tangles.
"I mean, I ain't got nowhere to go. I collect cans all day."
Her head wrenches back and an explosion of laughter exposes her missing teeth.
“Shit. Oh, excuse me, well, my lovely vocabulary. You’s probably good, going to church girls.”
Her hands drum the table, unbelievably restless at three in the morning.
"I have been through so much. I go to put my receipt for my cans and I'm getting beat up a bit..."
She stands demonstrating how she elbows other people. Another thrust of her elbow reveals a pudgy sag of skin peeking through the now beige fabric of a once green shirt. She starts laughing again.
"...and I get crop dusted. I go into the store and ya know people judge me. I walk in and everyone just psht. Psht."
She waves her arms like she is doing the chicken dance and continues her sound effects between chortles.
“They...everyone crop dusts me."
She sits as abruptly as her scrambled thoughts, staring past us. She jerks her large shoulders forward and her chin up.
“Everyone judge, but I know I am still just as beautiful even though I’ve been through it.”
She can’t sit still and folds in half as she cackles. She stands again continuing her constant, unreciprocated train of thought.
“I haven’t signed up for volunteer work here ‘cause I didn’t want to stay here. I don’t like it. In Bend I had a part, place. Man, I feel like I am losing parts of me here. Ya know what I mean?”
She looks over at me from the kitchen counter; seeing I am nodding, she sits back down and runs her weathered, ringed fingers through her hair.
“People tell me I am a dunderhead in my relationships. I have, or had, people I care about. And I’ve been beat up.”
She points to her missing teeth and her cranked voice is interrupted by another forced laughing episode.
“It’s not funny. It really isn’t.”
She snorts and her laughter dies off with her head shaking. She stiffens suddenly and stares at the ceiling.
“What is funny is I am losing the only thing I have left. My mind!”
Her eyes and smile are wildly wide as she gulps down her requested Dr. Pepper.
“It really gets to your head. I go collect cans and I am not with anyone and I come here and don’t connect with the other women.”
She rubs her eyes with her raisined knuckles.
“I sleep, I don’t sleep anymore. I can’t sleep any…”
Her sentence trails. Laughter throws her body into a combination of head bobbing and body rocking from her hips to her neck. The look of an epiphany stops her motion.
“No, no it’s not funny. Don’t ever do drugs. Don’t ever.”
She flings her index finger high into the air and then down to exaggeratingly pound each finger one at a time.
“Eleven months I’ve been doing this. Eleven.”
Looking at her tuna sandwich with eyebrows still raised she continues without checking if we are listening.
“People always have ideas about what I should do. Buy they, ha, I say they have a future!”
Her hands paddle the air as if to make room for each new thought.
“Those people don’t live here. Get along! Do better!”
She shuffles in the chair so she faces the direction of the rooms where the other women are asleep.
“You get up with a bunch of scratching chickens and try to make friends.”
Mumbling some more words needing excusing, she takes her plate to the kitchen ending her burble with a large belch and one final pause:
“I am so tired of this.”

In the Trash

I saw her digging in the trash
I saw her young smudged face in that place
A place where love and living are gone
Where learning is only an afterthought
Scraping, hording, surviving

I saw her digging in the trash
When you spoke of the environment
Save the earth?
Her mind is elsewhere
Eating, drinking, existing

I saw her digging in the trash
If only she had love, food and shelter
A pen, a paper and knowledge
Her mind could be on Earth.
Beauty, admiration and value
I saw her digging in your trash